How Do I Know If I Need Counselling

You don't have to be at breaking point to come to counselling.

Sometimes people seek counselling because something significant has happened, that could be a relationship ending, or maybe they've experienced a loss, they're struggling with anxiety, or something from their past has resurfaced.

But sometimes it's much harder to put your finger on what's wrong.

You might just know that you don't quite feel like yourself. You might feel overwhelmed, irritable or exhausted. You might find yourself overthinking or replaying conversations in your head, worrying about things you can't control, struggling in your relationships, or repeating patterns that you don't really understand.

You might tell yourself “I'm fine” but know somewhere inside that you're really not.

Do my problems need to be "bad enough"?

One of the things that can stop people from reaching out for counselling is the belief that other people have it worse.

You might think:

I should be able to deal with this.

Other people have been through much worse.

Maybe I'm just overreacting.

But our experiences aren't something we need to compare. Two people can go through similar situations and be affected in completely different ways. What feels manageable for one person may feel overwhelming for another, because we each bring our own history, relationships, experiences and ways of coping with us.

The impact something has had on you matters more than whether you believe somebody else has been through something "worse".

Pain isn't a competition, and there isn't a threshold you have to reach before you're allowed to ask for support.

Counselling isn't reserved for people who have reached crisis point. You don't need to prove that you're struggling enough to deserve support.

Sometimes the very fact that you're wondering whether counselling might help is worth paying attention to.

Sometimes the present is connected to the past

We don't experience life in isolation from everything that has happened before.

Our earlier experiences can influence how we see ourselves, how safe we feel with other people, how we respond to conflict and even what we come to expect from relationships.

You may notice that certain situations bring up particularly strong emotions, or that you keep finding yourself in similar patterns despite wanting things to be different.

This doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

Counselling can offer a space to become curious about these patterns rather than judging them. Together, we can explore not only what you're feeling, but what may be underneath it and where it might have come from.

What actually happens in counselling?

You don't need to arrive knowing exactly what you want to talk about.

There isn't a right way to "do" counselling, and you won't be expected to tell your whole life story in the first session.

For me, counselling is about creating a safe space where you can gradually explore what's happening for you at a pace that feels manageable. Some sessions might involve talking about the past, while others might focus on something that happened that week or on how you're feeling in that moment.

As an integrative counsellor, I don't believe that one approach fits everybody. How we work together will depend on you, what you bring to counselling and what feels helpful.

Sometimes simply having a space where you don't have to look after anybody else's feelings, explain yourself or pretend that everything is okay can be incredibly valuable.

So, how do I know if counselling could help me?

There isn't a checklist you have to meet.

But you might consider counselling if you're finding that your thoughts or feelings are becoming difficult to manage, you're struggling with relationships, something from your past is affecting you now, you've experienced a significant change or loss, or you simply feel stuck and aren't sure how to move forward.

You might also come to counselling because you want to understand yourself better.

You don't have to wait until things become unbearable.

Taking the first step

Reaching out to a counsellor can feel daunting, especially if you've never had counselling before. It's completely understandable to wonder what you'll say, whether you'll feel comfortable or whether the counsellor will understand you.

Finding someone you feel able to talk to matters.

I offer a free 15-minute introductory telephone call, which gives us an opportunity to briefly talk about what has brought you to counselling and for you to get a sense of whether you might feel comfortable working with me.

There is no pressure to have everything figured out before you get in touch.

Sometimes the starting point can be something like:

"I'm not really sure what's wrong, but I know I don't want to keep feeling like this."

And that's enough.